On 26th of jan Republic day is celebrated
in India. And I was with my friends in jaiselmer Thar desert. It was ok, having
fun but when there was bornfire and dance. A stage artist girl age between 20
and 30 she was dancing. It was cultural rajasthani dance. She was dancing well,
and she was so good at dance. She also performed that trick of elastic body,
moving her head in back ward direction and then she picked a metal plate
through her teeth. And a guy came, I think he might be drunk. Then he kept the
rs. 500 note in his mouth and half the note outside and asked that girl to
perform same trick. A thought of slapping that moron came into my mind and
changed to fantasy. Again when every one was dancing then some pervert males
aged in their mid 30's and 40's just came near to her and I don't like the way
they treated her. It was so fucking annoying. I really don't like such kind of
acts. That crowd was not decent. I could see in their eyes, these idiotic
perverts see her as a whore as their property. She was a nice decent dancer.
Why they were looking and treating her like that?? Why??
According to Sigmund Freud the unfullfilled
desired are stored into the unconscious mind.
My desire was to protect that girl, it just
remain unfulfilled.
And that night I did which I was not
supposed to do. I'm feeling guilty now, I'm suffering now. I will never do it
ever again. I swear to myself. I will never repeat it again. My 4 friends have
vomitting due to excessive drinking. Rishabh have the most awfull vomitting. He
was suffering and strugling. I do whatever I could do. I am happy He thanked me
for my help. But he didn't remember anything. And its ok. I mean its fine if
you didn't remember how your wet lower was changed. I'm having dehydration now.
I also didn't sleep well. And this tiring travel of bus. I hate it..
Now when I'm in train I'm writing this. The
basic problem with me is that I'm too much sensitive. And I trust people too
early I easily trust their fakeness. Humans are natural actor. I really like
people who are not fake and idealistic. The very best in them is that they
don't pretend they are who they are. I have met very few of kind.
I don't want money and success in life.. I
just want to see good people around me. Money can't buy such things. I just
want to purify myself. I sometimes hate that I'm human being....
